And It's How Long Until Mother's Day?

Mother of the year I am not.  Last night at 9:00, I pulled into McDonald's to get the kids their crappy meals for dinner and I was dismayed to see that the restaurant was dark.  Fortunately, the drive through was still open, so they got their meals and were in bed by 10:00.  I know that's horrible and late for a 4 and a 6 year old, but there's a reason for the madness.

The Beast came home last night.  We're thrilled to have him home.  I wish I could say he felt the same way, but he really doesn't feel well.  We don't have a complete diagnosis on him yet because for some reason it has taken days for the radiologists to write the report on his CT scan, but he's got laryngeal paralysis, an issue with his gall bladder, a collapse of the dorsal membrane on his trachea, and, of course, the coughing and vomiting.  Since he's been home, he's vomited up every thing he's eaten (and all of his meds).  After he vomited up his dinner and evening meds tonight, I came to the realization that he may be near the end of his road.  He's clearly miserable and the status quo is not compatible with prolonged life.  I talked to the vet and I've got to go out again tonight (but this time I fed the kids first) to see if I can buy some foods that the Beast might be able to keep down.

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some dark chocolate.  In fact, I just had some.  I have to keep up those seratonin levels.   Usually just a little helps, but I might stock up on more when I'm at the store tonight.  It makes sense to be prepared. 

Let me say that the following is not something that I am considering doing to my dog, but the darker the chocolate, the higher the level of compounds that are fatal to dogs, and I like my chocolate *dark*.  A few years ago, I was in the waiting room at the vet's and there was a woman feeding an elderly labrador retriever dark chocolate.  I was horrified and curious, so I asked her about it.  It turned out that she was there to have the dog euthanized and it was tradition in her dog loving household that the dog's last meal be something that they never, ever would have allowed the dog to eat but for the unfortunate circumstances.  It worked for me, and the dog seemed pretty okay with eating the chocolate.  I don't know if I'll be sharing dark chocolate with the Beast, even when his time comes.  We always tell him he's chocolatey enough when he begs for chocolate.

I have been knitting.  This is my car knitting.  It's My So-Called Scarf, knit with Schaefer Esperanza in the Katharine Hepburn colorway.  I've had this yarn sitting in my stash for a few years and I was looking for something easy to knit while traveling to and from the hospital with Beast.  From Monday to Wednesday, I travelled 240 miles on my various trips to and from the hospital.  Although I only knit for half of those miles (as I was driving the other miles), I made some progress on this scarf.  The only thing is that the ball of yarn doesn't look any smaller to me, so I am thinking this is going to be one very long scarf.  I felt a little guilty about starting yet another project that I have no intention of finishing any time soon, but this will at least give me a good, portable project for those times when I cannot concentrate and/or don't have the ability to lay out charts and other things in order to knit.  It's not exactly portable like a sock.  A lot of sock projects can be tucked into a medium-sized purse and surreptitiously carried about, waiting for knitting time to present itself.  However, given the size of the skein and the fact that this is going to be a bulky, long scarf, it's not going to be hiding anywhere.  Still, even if I just reserve it for car rides with DH, it fulfills a knitting need.

I've got one more new project that is also portable.  It is appropriately from Knitting on the Road, and it fits quite delightfully in my new knitting sack.  I am feeling a bit guilty that I haven't finished the cardi I am knitting for DS -- all I need to do is block it, knit the button bands, partially assemble it, and knit the hood before it will be ready for final finishing.  I *could* do it, but I haven't done it.  It's a curse.  I've got brighter and shinier new knitting interests and I have left the cardi behind in the dust, even though I know how little would be required to finish it and how I need to finish it before DS has grown too big to wear it.  What I need to do is devote one day to the cardi and see how much I can get done.  I think it's entirely possible that I can get enough done that I will be so close to finishing it that I will be motivated to push through and complete it.  So, I just need to pick a day.  And I am procrastinating on that point.

As I said, I have other interests.  And here is Conwy II, in that lovely Manzanita Shepherd Sock.  I'm loving this pattern for the second time, and I'm loving this yarn.  I don't know if I started with the evil tangled skein that gave me so much trouble when I was winding it.  I put that out of my mind when I randomly selected which skein to use first.

I'd like to say that this is the only other new thing that I have going on in my knitting life, but there are a couple of other new things.  I have acquired more yarn.  And I have done something else that might almost be called knitting.  But all that is going to have to wait for another day because I've got to take the kids to the liquor store grocery store now to buy some food for the Beast to try.  And, yes, I'm sorely tempted to replenish the depleted stock of Guinness in this household.  I don't think I've ever brought the kids into a liquor store before.  With my luck, I'll do it and run into someone who was at McDonald's last night at 9:00.  And if I'm lucky, DS will say something about how Beast (whose real name is a human first name, and who eavesdroppers may easily assume is a human member of the household) has been vomiting all over the house and even vomited in DS's room today.  That should make the trip more fun, the likelihood of one of the kids saying something like that to further tarnish my motherly reputation.

Comments

[Karen]

My heart just breaks for Beast, you and your whole family. It just isn't easy.
I think you're a mighty fine mother. On more than one occassion I have been places and got the look from strangers that makes me question what others think of my parenting. Like the time my daughter at age 4 ran into a dresser and ended up with 2 very black eyes. Everywhere we went I got a dirty look and she was questioned about her eyes.

[Nancy]

I'll be right there with on the road to Mom hell so don't worry about. At least we'll have good company, lol.

Poor Beast. I suspect you're right about the end being near. It's hard either way. I do love the idea of a last meal being something they've never been allowed to eat.

Where did you find the camouflage knitting sack? I've been looking everywhere and all I find are the freakin' neon colors. I saw the camo one once and I should have bought it but I foolishly didn't. I've been lusting for it ever since.

[monica]

I'm sad about Beast but he seems like he's in pain. Please give him a big hug and kiss from me. One of my friends fed her dog a Wendy's Frosty before their trip to the vet. That makes me tear up when I think about it.

Funny story about dog names--the person who cut my hair the last time has a dog named Honey. Her neighbors were wonder about her relationship with her husband because they would hear her talking outside and saying, "Honey Sit! Honey Stay!"

[lynette]

oh noes! my heart is also breaking and i truly feel your pain. i'm with you all in spirit. i'll be saying a prayer for you and your family.

[Cookie]

At least, the kids got dinner and have stories to tell people. ;^)

I'm so sorry about the doggie. *hugs*

[Kim]

Sending hugs and kisses the Beast's way and yours too. The kids will be just fine eating crappy meals at 10 instead of at 6. Hopefully Beast will like the new foods you get for him.

[Rosanne]

I read back through an earlier post that has more information about your poor doggie's cancer. So much wrong with him. I'm so sorry. I hope the new food will help him and that he begins to feel better.

[Alarming Female]

A sweet thing just happened. I was reading your post to my son (with autism) and couldn't get the part out about the chocolate because I was crying and he said, "how about if I read it" which is the most empathetic thing he's ever said. Then he patted my shoulder and it made me cry more.

goddamnitalltohell